Friday, March 17, 2017

We're not all built for marriage and it's​ Ok....

I have been thinking a lot about if I want to get married or not... No I am not close to being married or being proposed to but for some reason this has been on my mind... I am a very loving person but I am not one to put up with someones attitude at all! Lol And I'm not saying he would make me snap on the daily but I know myself and know that after a few times I might want to sign those divorce papers. I am also not one to clean after others, to be patient, and to take care of someone (make their meals, wash their clothes, put away those clothes) and have it in some way not be good enough... I am Mexican and me not wanting to be married is a huge difference to what the stereotypical Mexican woman wants... It's like we're not all alike! Lol
And a big reason as to why I know I shouldn't get married is because I'm epileptic, I rely on meds daily, almost 1,000 mg a day and I know that for a baby I would have to get off the meds or have a low dose, well on both I would end up having a seizure and a mother having a seizure would be like a stroke to a fetus.... And I could never live with myself if I went on a lower dose of kept taking the meds as normal and have the fetus get birth defects.... And having said that I know that most men want kids, they want a continuation to their blood line so to speak and I know I can't give that to most men.... So I am starting to accept and live with my reality.....

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Real life problems....

I get it, most of us watch YouTube to "get away" from daily life problems at least for those few minutes but sometimes not even YouTube helps... I'm a Capricorn and Capricorns hate change or even the slightest hint that something can or will change... We like to feel at ease and safe... I myself are OCD and hate change of any kind... Lately I've been pondering the though of moving, of leaving the country I love (U.S.A) to go to my country of origin (Mexico)... Don't get me wrong I love Mexico, I love my culture, my language, my food! Lol but I was raised here, this is what I know and are familiar to but then again I refused to have my parents live in fear.... I refuse for them to feel the uncertainty every time they walk out the door... I have DACA and as of right now I am safe but all of that could end at any moment.... We are all on limbo... A limbo we walk every time we go do the jobs no one wants to do and get paid below minimum wage while doing them... All I'm asking for is compassion and for you to try for one second to put yourself in our situation cause I think sometimes people forget that we are human too.....

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

YouTuber?!?

In the past months I have been considering being a YouTuber.... No I am not as beautiful as some on there or as talented but I feel like neither are most who watch... Let's be real, not all of us put on the makeup looks they share! Yes they are talented as hell but no I am not about to wear all glitter everything to my job or to the grocery store! Lol and if you do props cause I don't have the guts to! Lol
Most of us watch them for entertainment and to just see the magic of makeup happen but I couldn't do half the looks they do... And no I do not own anything morphe related! I feel like it's such a mini commercial every time they do use almost Everything morphe... E.L.F can be just as good and cheaper... E.L.F brushes might not be high end but they do the job! And for someone who has to choose between ordering makeup online or buying her meds it's pretty easy which one wins! Lol
I do want to join YouTube but I am extremely shy and self conscious about everything and I know if someone who doesn't know me bullies me I'll probably carry that with me for a long time...
I am doing a pros and cons list and so far the cons are winning... 😔
Idk maybe I'll just do makeup looks and share them here... Looks that you can actually wear and not feel all extra and out of place if you're like me....
I'll give it some more thought....